HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ME!

 Dear Me,

Today is your birthday! Happy birthday!!! You are 42 this year and it’s crazy how time has flown. 

You have been through a lot in these short 42 years of life. You’ve experienced pain, loss, sorrow, suffering, and near death experiences. You have struggled with mental health and medical problems. Weight gain and all the feelings that come with it.  You have been through a lot of trauma. You’ve struggled to love yourself and to feel like you can take up space in this world. You’ve fought for life and you’ve fought for friendships. You’ve made some awful mistakes along the way that have caused some friends to leave and even dissonance in your own family situations at times. You continually wonder whether anyone loves you or wants you to be around. You let your insecurities win a lot even when you try not to. 

And yet, you have also experienced some of the most amazing things! Winning the state science fair. Graduating high school. Going to college. Getting a bachelors degree.  Getting married to someone who loves You unconditionally in spite of all your challenges. Having three of the most incredible children and being a mom to some amazingly caring and wonderful human beings. (They are all your favorite). You continue to do your best to love everyone as unconditionally as possible. You bought a house with a yard. You got a dog and a cat and a hedgehog and birds and so many pets that have brought you joy.  You found an amazing choir that has given you joy and helped you through some really hard things. You have made friends who stood by your side even when things were dark and scary and you weren’t such a good friend.  You have been fighting a battle against depression even when it’s been super difficult at times. And You have been winning! You have been Finding joy when you thought there was none left. Surviving when the odds were against you. Living when all you wanted to do was quit. Mending relationships with family and even some friends. Forgiving and being forgiven by those you have hurt and those who have hurt you. You have recovered from addiction. You have found joy and light in the darkness. You have been a survivor at times and a warrior at others. 

You are going to learn many more amazing things in your life that will change you. You will learn and grow and continue getting better over time. One day you will look back and see all the things you’ve made it through. You will see the fight you’ve fought and won. You will find joy in everything you’ve been through. Tomorrow will come.

However, for today:

It’s time to celebrate your existence! Celebrate being alive for another year! Celebrate who you’ve been, who you are now, and who you will someday be! Be present in this day, enjoy the cake and the ice cream, allow yourself to take up space, and let others celebrate you. 

Happy 42nd Birthday, Me. 

You are officially the answer to the universe. Don’t Panic! Celebrate!

Love, Me