The Vacation You Shouldn't Take: Stop Giving Yourself Guilt Trips

Over the past year and a half-ish, I have been seeing a counselor. In addition to finding out I very likely have ADD (who knew, but it makes so much sense looking back), she has helped me see that I tend to guilt trip myself all the time. I know I am not alone in that habit. I am slowly becoming happier as I have learned how to tone that tendency down and stifle the guilt.

Save Guilt for Stuff That's Actually Bad

I know that so many of us beat ourselves up for all the things we don't get done, do wrong or otherwise don't accomplish to our satisfaction.  We are all imperfect beings, though. Too many times our expectations are too high and when we don't reach them, we berate ourselves needlessly. Guilt should be used when the situation actually warrants it, like a sin. Otherwise, take time to commit to working on being better, take a deep breath, and try to move on.

Take Trigger Words Out of Your Vocabulary

I have realized that there are words that tend to make the guilt build up. They include:

• I should
• I need to
• I have to

They tend to pile up for me especially due to the ADD. I can think of a million different things I "should" or "need" to do. However, if I don't accomplish them, I feel bad. I tell myself that I suck. I am not very kind to myself at all sometimes.

By carefully rewording statements I make to myself, I have felt some of the pressure lift. "I have to apply for 20 jobs today!" becomes "I would like to apply for 20 jobs today."  Subtle but important. If I don't manage to get it done, it doesn't feel quite as horrible to me and I am inspired to try again instead of berating myself for failing and feeling down.

Focus on the Positive About You

If you are prone to guilt trips, make some extra effort to see the good things you do. Try writing down a few things you did well, even if small, each day. It doesn't mean you are truly ignoring your weaknesses; it is always a good thing to work on improving yourself. However, if you are wallowing in guilt and negative thoughts about yourself, you can stay mired in that and miss the positive. Love yourself. Recognize the good that you do and work towards being gentle with yourself.

What helps you break the cycle of guilt trips and be happier?

Letting go of the Past

Letting go of the past has never been easy for me. I have spent a lot of time there in the past and even  recently. I let it get me down and rule my life and it has an effect on every aspect of my life. I gained weight, I spent more time in bed than out, I focused on those things that were really bothering me. Recently, one night as I spoke to a good friend, I was able to express some of the frustrations I was having. I realized that the past is just that. The Past. I needed to do something to get out of the past and back into the present. I have since been able to get out of bed each morning and do something productive. It is amazing what a good talk with a good friend can do for you. Anyway, as I work on my happiness, and bringing myself back from the past, I am feeling better each day. 

These quotes have really touched me deeply this week as I have worked on bringing myself back to the present. They have true meaning in my life and I hope that I will be able to grieve my losses and trust God. I am ready to embrace the life I have and work toward my goals with more intention and faith in the Lord. 

I am currently going to a therapist who got to hear quite the earful the other day. He and I will be working through the past, and until that happens, I am focusing on the present. Wishing things were different is not going to make things change. Acting and working on the things you want changed will. So I am done wishing things were different and I am ready to move forward. I hope you all have a wonderful week. :) A guest post will be coming soon! I am excited to share!