HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ME!

 Dear Me,

Today is your birthday! Happy birthday!!! You are 42 this year and it’s crazy how time has flown. 

You have been through a lot in these short 42 years of life. You’ve experienced pain, loss, sorrow, suffering, and near death experiences. You have struggled with mental health and medical problems. Weight gain and all the feelings that come with it.  You have been through a lot of trauma. You’ve struggled to love yourself and to feel like you can take up space in this world. You’ve fought for life and you’ve fought for friendships. You’ve made some awful mistakes along the way that have caused some friends to leave and even dissonance in your own family situations at times. You continually wonder whether anyone loves you or wants you to be around. You let your insecurities win a lot even when you try not to. 

And yet, you have also experienced some of the most amazing things! Winning the state science fair. Graduating high school. Going to college. Getting a bachelors degree.  Getting married to someone who loves You unconditionally in spite of all your challenges. Having three of the most incredible children and being a mom to some amazingly caring and wonderful human beings. (They are all your favorite). You continue to do your best to love everyone as unconditionally as possible. You bought a house with a yard. You got a dog and a cat and a hedgehog and birds and so many pets that have brought you joy.  You found an amazing choir that has given you joy and helped you through some really hard things. You have made friends who stood by your side even when things were dark and scary and you weren’t such a good friend.  You have been fighting a battle against depression even when it’s been super difficult at times. And You have been winning! You have been Finding joy when you thought there was none left. Surviving when the odds were against you. Living when all you wanted to do was quit. Mending relationships with family and even some friends. Forgiving and being forgiven by those you have hurt and those who have hurt you. You have recovered from addiction. You have found joy and light in the darkness. You have been a survivor at times and a warrior at others. 

You are going to learn many more amazing things in your life that will change you. You will learn and grow and continue getting better over time. One day you will look back and see all the things you’ve made it through. You will see the fight you’ve fought and won. You will find joy in everything you’ve been through. Tomorrow will come.

However, for today:

It’s time to celebrate your existence! Celebrate being alive for another year! Celebrate who you’ve been, who you are now, and who you will someday be! Be present in this day, enjoy the cake and the ice cream, allow yourself to take up space, and let others celebrate you. 

Happy 42nd Birthday, Me. 

You are officially the answer to the universe. Don’t Panic! Celebrate!

Love, Me

Stained Glass

 Well, it seems it has been a while since I have done a stained glass project for anyone. It took me forever to find all the stuff I needed to do it.  Ha ha. 

This week I had the opportunity to make a special parting gift for a member of our staff at work who will be retiring this week. I had learned that one of her most favortie animals was the Octopus and that she loved stained glass and so I thought what a wonderful gift I could provide for her. 

It was a project that caused me a lot of grief and stress, but overall it ended up being amazing. I hope she loves it. It got a lot of praise from people at work this morning. (She didn't see it, don't worry, I kept it hidden from her) Can't wait to hear if she likes it or not. 

Here are some pictures of the finished project. ENJOY!

Look who's back, Back again...

 Hello Friends, 

It has been quite some time since I last posted on this blog. I have been through quite the journey and I would like to share it with you and also post some fun and exciting things that have happened in my life. This is a journey that has been really rough at times and has put my family and even some of my friends through the ringer. It is a journey full of hurt and pain and sorrow. It is also a journey of recovery, joy, and celebration. So if you want to read, please do, if you don't, this blog is really for me anyway and I want to be able to share a bit of my story. 

I am not a writer. I will never claim to be, though I have read some incredibly amazing books and I am so glad I can be a witness to those who can truly write so well. I am lucky to be a recipient of some great reading!  I hope that you will still read even if it is not the best writing. 

Disclaimer- I will talk about my life in all aspects. I know that not everyone believes in the things I do and I am okay with that, but I just need you to know that I am not here to convert anyone to any religion or political party or lifestyle or anything like that, I am simply sharing my story. I know that there will be many who disagree with my choices and my beliefs both religiously and politically, I am okay with that. I don't need everyone to be just like me. 

Also, There is a good chance that I will be wrong about something I say at some point and in the future I will have learned to be better and that past me will no longer exist. I have tried to show mercy and grace to those in my life that have caused me pain in the past and I hope that if anything I ever say or do has done that, that you will hopefully be able to show me the same mercy and grace, and if not, that is okay. I will always try to be better tomorrow than I was today and I will fail many times, but I hope to learn along the way. Thank you.