A FRESH NEW START

A new year means a fresh new start to most people in the world. It is a chance to be better than we were the year before. A chance to change if things weren't going the way we would like. Every year we get a chance to start over. For many years I along with everyone else would set goals. The first of the year I would do really well with these goals and about a month or two in, I would give up. One year I decided that I was tired of giving up and I decided to change how I did my resolutions. Instead of making specific resolutions, I found words that I knew I needed to work on in my life. I spent the year working on that part of my life to figure out what that word/s meant to me and how I could be better at it. This has been so much easier for me to stick to than specific goals. Now I still make specific goals, but they come throughout the year and are often based upon this word. It has helped me to become a better person and to really focus on specific areas of my life each year. 

This year I have three words. INTENTION. PRAYER. SERVICE. These three words came to me as I thought about what I felt I needed to work on in myself. 

First is intention. The last couple of years I have really struggled to live my life intentionally. I have sort of just allowed whatever came into my life to happen. Now that isn't to say that some of it wasn't intentional, but much of it was not. My goal this year is to figure out what exactly it means to live life intentionally for me and to learn how to better execute intentional living. 

Second is Prayer. Without God, I am nothing. I have struggled for a while with prayer and I hope that I can change the way I think about prayer. I am going to wake up each morning and intentionally pray. (See what I did there?) Prayer really should be considered first, however, if I am not doing it intentionally, then it kind of defeats the purpose. I know that with God I can do anything. I know that as I build that relationship with him that I will be able to receive revelation for myself. I have been in a place prayerfully before that I haven't been in a long time and I want to get there and continue forward. This is my hope that I may do so this year and continue forward for the rest of my life. One step at a time.

And last, but not least, this year I have every desire to Serve. Service is not something I have a hard time doing. I truly enjoy serving others. I simply want to continue doing what I love. I love Service. It has brought many blessings to my life and home. Many times it has brought joy in a time of sadness. It has brought blessings to our family. It continues to do so. How can I do better? I think we can always do better every year. I will figure it out and find a way to do better this year than I did last year.


Whether you are a person who sets goals or one who uses words to improve each year, I hope that you are successful in your journey. 2017 is going to be an amazing year.

I have missed blogging and plan on doing a much better job of it in 2017. I hope you all have an amazing NEW YEAR. May your new year bring about much joy and learning.

I look forward to seeing you all more this year. I appreciate your friendship in my life. Thank you!

Goals!

If I am to be completely honest with you, I have been avoiding something that I know makes me feel good. I am sure this has caused me to be more down than I should be and I know it. The thing is that it causes much pain. It hurts because of arthritis, it hurts because a lot of weight on a body hurts, it hurts in many other aspects, however through time, it will hurt less and less. I realize this. This thing I have been avoiding is.....

EXERCISE!

Saturday I walked 2.14 miles with my kids and I looked at my pedometer and realized I hadn't walked that much since June 8th which was the HIKE for Girls camp! It felt good. I loved the walk and I felt so much better after doing it. I wanted to keep going but the pain was getting to me, the youngest got a blister, and it was Waaaay past the kids bed time. So we quit and went home.

Today, I decided to go running. Yes I am overweight, yes, it hurts, but oh it feels so good. I LOVE RUNNING. Right now my running is more of a slow jog and I can't go as far as I used to before I had kids, but I did it. I ran half a mile today which for not having exercised much in 2 1/2 years isn't too bad. I did a full mile, but only ran half of it. It killed me, but I loved it!

It is time for me to get going. I have goals I want to get to. In order for me to reach these goals I have to start somewhere. So tonight I started running.

 What exactly are my goals? Most of you know that I want to be a police officer. I do. It is something I have dreamed of since I was a kid. It is something I have desperately wished for and hoped for and have never achieved because I have spent my time wishing instead of doing something about it. I got close once. I lost over 100 lbs and was getting closer and closer to my goal and then I got really sick and discouraged and I gave up and have since gained it all back.

I have other goals in life too. I want to be around for my kids and eventually grand kids. I want to run the way I used to. I want to take my kids to a theme park and be able to ride ALL of the rides with them and not just the ones I can barely fit in. I want to go on a zip line. I want to go shopping for clothes and not feel uncomfortable. These are just a few of the little goals I want to reach.

I had a friend who was a police officer who believed I could do it. He once told me that when the desire to be a police officer became my biggest desire that nothing would prevent me from getting healthy enough to fit in the blues. I think it is mighty time to show him I can do it. So those are my goals for now. Just a few of them anyway. If you see me out running, enjoy a quick laugh, and then please encourage me to keep going. It does help when people care. Thanks! Have a beautiful week!

 Feel free to share your goals here or on the facebook page!

Thank You

Hello Friends! I know I said I would write more often and I have failed. Ha! Summer has been very busy. We have been out and about spending time with family and friends. So I apologize for the lack of blogs this summer. 

I have been thinking lately about friendship. What is the value of a good friend? I have had hundreds of friends throughout my life. Some I have stayed friends with and yet there are others who have slowly become acquaintances and there are even a few that I no longer have a friendship with. How is it that I have held such a strong bond with some and not with others? These are a few of the things I have been thinking about lately. 

 I have thought about the amazing friendships I have built since I have moved to where I live. I have made some incredible and hopefully long lasting relationships. I have also lost a dear friend because of where I was in my life and where she was in hers. It was a tough time. 

As I thought about all of my amazing friends here, I realized how lucky I was in life. How amazing it is that I have such a great group of people that I can feel comfortable around no matter how much I weigh, or how crazy I am, or what life situations I am dealing with. Friends that I know I can count on. Friends that I am always willing to help when they need it. Friends who I can ask for toilet paper and they will not laugh because I ran out ;). Ha ha, that last one may or may not have actually happened. 

My point in all this is that I am thankful for amazing friends. I am thankful for you. I am thankful that you have all been an amazing part of my life and I realize how lucky I am. I have dealt with a lot of crazy in my life, from surgeries to injuries, depression, and much more. You have all stuck by me and have offered your amazing friendship regardless of my situation. For that I am very thankful. 

I know that life can be daunting at times. I know that things can be amazing. I hope that each of us have a few friends (or many) that we can count on in times of need, that we can be honest with, that we can laugh with, that we can cry with, that we can always have close. I hope you all know how much you each mean to me. I am so thankful for each of your friendships in my life. 

Today I am just Thankful for my Friends and I felt like I needed to say it out loud. I love you all!

I know it isn't Thanksgiving, but I am going to ask anyway. 

Feel free to comment here or on the Facebook Page. :) 

Where is She?

This is a very candid post. This is a new Mission to Be Happy, it is a chance to climb out of the darkness and become surrounded by the light of the Savior. Unfortunately, in order to do that, one must actually climb out of the darkness. This is my most recent journey out of the darkness.

I am sure many of you have wondered where I went. Well at least I hope one of you actually thought, "Wow, she hasn't written anything in a really long time, I wonder where she is?" It doesn't really matter if you thought that or not. I have been MIA for a while now. I have started several blog posts that I never ended up finishing because none of them were the right things to say at the moment.

So where DID I go? Besides completely crazy. Nowhere. I was crazy. I was crazy with frustration, pain, sorrow, heartache, negativity, failure, hurt, sadness, anger, and I really didn't want to feel that way anymore. I was depressed. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to go to the park. I didn't want to clean my house. I didn't want to socialize. I didn't want to go to church. I didn't want to talk to my kids or my husband. I didn't want to read my scriptures. I still did most of those things. I didn't want to, but I did. No matter how hard I tried to read my scriptures and say my prayers, and do all the things that I knew I needed to do, I still felt very shut off from the Lord.

After many long months of this a day came along that I locked my keys in my car, had a frustrating day with some things at home and then to top it all off my dish disposal quit working. I lost my mind at that moment. I called my husband and told him I needed to get away for a few days by myself. I wanted to run away. I couldn't stay here any longer. I couldn't handle it. So I booked a flight to California. I kept thinking that things would get better before I left and that I would think this whole situation was silly and that I was over reacting, but every day felt like it was getting worse. It felt like no matter how hard I tried to be the good wife and mom I always hoped to be, I was failing, so I thought.

I spoke with several friends. Some thought a trip alone was a really good idea and others knew the truth -that nothing would be different when I got back. They were both right. However, I needed to have a moment to collect my thoughts, in this case 5 days. I needed to get myself back on the right path with my savior. I needed to find a reason to live again, to have the will to get out of bed. So I flew to California. I spent the week with my Brother and Sister in law and my adorable niece. We went to Yosemite, Carmel by the Sea, and Monterrey. It was a beautiful week and I spent the majority of it in nature and with some of my favorite people. It was refreshing. I needed the break. My brother in law even made me a special birthday dinner of Chicken Marsala and home made Naan bread. It was sooooo good.

The trip was good. The food was good. Seeing family was great! The flight there was great. The flight home was miserable, but I survived. When I got home, nothing had changed, but I had started coming out of a depression that had hold of me for a long time. The trip at least helped me to be able to start climbing out of it.

Before I left I met with my bishop and we had a good discussion and I was able to ponder on that while I was in California. I haven't followed up with him since then, but I should. I had some amazing insight from my trip. I had a lot more after I returned home. Did things change while I was gone? No. I knew they wouldn't. Some of my friends even knew that. So maybe a trip to California was a little crazy, but no matter how crazy it was, it is the reason I was able to climb out of the darkness.

So where am I now? Well, I spent a week and a half after returning home planning the rest of Girl camp. I spent the whole time immersed in the scriptures and praying. I finished planning and shopping for camp and then of course I went to camp. Camp was great. I felt that I was very prepared and that we had a good turn out and I hope that the girls had fun. I felt the spirit for the first time in Months while at girls camp. When I opened the camp with my thoughts it was strong. I thought I was going to cry, but I don't like crying in front of people and I held back. I hope that the girls felt the spirit that was there throughout camp.

What is my point in all of this?

Mostly to say that first,  life can sometimes be depressing, hard, frustrating, painful, sorrowful, sad, full of anger and heartbreak. There may be times that you feel that the Lord is not there no matter how hard you try to feel his presence. Maybe you don't deal with depression, but there will be trials in your life. At least I haven't met anyone who has never had some kind of trial in their lives. Secondly, even though we may have these trials, there is a light at the end.  A happiness, a joy, a love, a smile, a gladness, a rejoicing, that will follow these great trials if we have faith.

I tried to do what I should be doing and eventually that light did come. It took time and it was a trial for me, but I am in the light and I feel great right now. I am closer to the Lord than I was a few weeks ago, honestly I am closer to the Lord now in the last few weeks than I have been in YEARS.  I don't know what changed or if I was just frustrated to a point that I didn't allow the Lord to enter my heart. Even though I had all the negative thoughts and feelings, I was able to get through that trial. It was hard, but the light of our Savior was there waiting for me to find it.

I hope that if you are ever experiencing a trial in your life that you will have faith that if you continue to do the things the Lord has asked of you, that eventually that light will come and your trial will end. I know that this is true. I have experienced it so many times, and sometimes we just need to remember that the Lord is always there. He is always willing to give us peace if we ask for it believing it will come to us. Remember that it will happen in the Lord's time. I have found that if I am not feeling peace or the trial is still causing all the negative feelings, that I have not exercised my faith, or there is something for me to learn from a specific trial.

So, anyway, in short, I AM BACK! I intend on writing some much happier posts now that I am feeling so much better. I hope that this post will help someone else to stay strong through a trial, or even ask for help from a friend, or your bishop, or just have faith that the trial you are going through will come to a close and the Lord will allow peace to come to you in his time.

I appreciate if you made it this far in my post. I think you are all amazing friends. I appreciate what you do for me whether you live close or far away. You are all fantastic. I hope you have a great week and I promise to write some more uplifting blogs in the future. :)

The Vacation You Shouldn't Take: Stop Giving Yourself Guilt Trips

Over the past year and a half-ish, I have been seeing a counselor. In addition to finding out I very likely have ADD (who knew, but it makes so much sense looking back), she has helped me see that I tend to guilt trip myself all the time. I know I am not alone in that habit. I am slowly becoming happier as I have learned how to tone that tendency down and stifle the guilt.

Save Guilt for Stuff That's Actually Bad

I know that so many of us beat ourselves up for all the things we don't get done, do wrong or otherwise don't accomplish to our satisfaction.  We are all imperfect beings, though. Too many times our expectations are too high and when we don't reach them, we berate ourselves needlessly. Guilt should be used when the situation actually warrants it, like a sin. Otherwise, take time to commit to working on being better, take a deep breath, and try to move on.

Take Trigger Words Out of Your Vocabulary

I have realized that there are words that tend to make the guilt build up. They include:

• I should
• I need to
• I have to

They tend to pile up for me especially due to the ADD. I can think of a million different things I "should" or "need" to do. However, if I don't accomplish them, I feel bad. I tell myself that I suck. I am not very kind to myself at all sometimes.

By carefully rewording statements I make to myself, I have felt some of the pressure lift. "I have to apply for 20 jobs today!" becomes "I would like to apply for 20 jobs today."  Subtle but important. If I don't manage to get it done, it doesn't feel quite as horrible to me and I am inspired to try again instead of berating myself for failing and feeling down.

Focus on the Positive About You

If you are prone to guilt trips, make some extra effort to see the good things you do. Try writing down a few things you did well, even if small, each day. It doesn't mean you are truly ignoring your weaknesses; it is always a good thing to work on improving yourself. However, if you are wallowing in guilt and negative thoughts about yourself, you can stay mired in that and miss the positive. Love yourself. Recognize the good that you do and work towards being gentle with yourself.

What helps you break the cycle of guilt trips and be happier?

Letting go of the Past

Letting go of the past has never been easy for me. I have spent a lot of time there in the past and even  recently. I let it get me down and rule my life and it has an effect on every aspect of my life. I gained weight, I spent more time in bed than out, I focused on those things that were really bothering me. Recently, one night as I spoke to a good friend, I was able to express some of the frustrations I was having. I realized that the past is just that. The Past. I needed to do something to get out of the past and back into the present. I have since been able to get out of bed each morning and do something productive. It is amazing what a good talk with a good friend can do for you. Anyway, as I work on my happiness, and bringing myself back from the past, I am feeling better each day. 

These quotes have really touched me deeply this week as I have worked on bringing myself back to the present. They have true meaning in my life and I hope that I will be able to grieve my losses and trust God. I am ready to embrace the life I have and work toward my goals with more intention and faith in the Lord. 

I am currently going to a therapist who got to hear quite the earful the other day. He and I will be working through the past, and until that happens, I am focusing on the present. Wishing things were different is not going to make things change. Acting and working on the things you want changed will. So I am done wishing things were different and I am ready to move forward. I hope you all have a wonderful week. :) A guest post will be coming soon! I am excited to share!

Looking for Happiness in the Dark

Have you ever tried to find something in the dark? You know, like the light switch? Have you ever stumbled over something on your way to the light switch and wished you had a flashlight or your phone to light the way? 

Finding happiness when depression is strong is kind of like that. You are trying to find your way to the light, but you keep tripping over things in the way. Sometimes it feels like a never ending battle. Sometimes it feels like it will last forever and that you will never reach the light switch. Sometimes the light switch is easy to find. The important thing to remember is that once you reach the light switch, things get different. 

Sometimes when we reach the light switch and turn on the light, we realize what a mess there is to clean up. It is a mess of things that depression left behind which can trigger anxiety and more depression. However in that moment when the light is on, we understand that we have begun to climb out of a deep and dark place. It takes time to clean up the mess and it seems like it takes a while. There is happiness with getting through the mess and as we continue to clean up, we begin to appreciate life again. 

Maybe I am crazy, maybe this is just an analogy that makes sense in my head, but for me, this is exactly how it feels and I find myself remembering what Dumbledore said that "Happiness can be found even in the Darkest of Times if one only remembers to turn on the light!" Sometimes the light switch is hard to find. Keep looking. It is there even through the obstacles. 

Our Savior is that light, he helps us to overcome our weaknesses and to make weak things become strong. Heavenly Father knew he could help us by giving us the Atonement. The atonement allows us to not only become clean, but it allows us to let go of the things that hurt us. The Savior can take away our pains and our burdens if we will allow him to do so. All we have to do is willingly give them to him. It is a lot easier said than done. 

Believe me I have been there and sometimes we are so deep into our dark world that we completely forget that there is a light! We forget that if we just flip that switch on, we will be able to see again. We forget that the Savior is there to help us in our darkest times. May we strive to remember the Savior always. It is not easy, but it is worth it. 

In other news, this weekend brought about a new appreciation for family. My dearest Grandmother is in a hospital in Utah and she has been there for almost three weeks. She hates it immensely and wishes she could be at home. 

This weekend, my Uncle got us all together to go break her out of the hospital and as usual on a beautiful Easter weekend, spend time with the family and eat lunch together. It wasn't a picnic, it wasn't out on the desert like we normally do, but we were still able to do it.

 My amazing Grandma was so excited. The nurse came and did her hair and got her all ready to go and as the family began showing up, she had the most amazing look of happiness on her face. You could tell that this made her whole stay in the hospital so much easier. 

Family is amazing. You can be miles and miles apart and still, they all come together to make the day of someone they love. This has been a good weekend for me. The light switch is on and although I have been cleaning up the debris, I feel a bit better this weekend. 

I hope you all had a blessed Easter Weekend. May the Savior light your way Always.

A New Mission to Be Happy? What about the old one?

You may be wondering what this blog is about. Why is it a NEW mission to be happy and what happened to the old one? My original Mission to be Happy began here (http://ourcrazymission.blogspot.com/). I began this blog as a response to seeing Michael McLean and hearing him speak at an event I attended. He spoke about his struggle with depression and then he introduced this amazing book he wrote along with some songs he wrote for the book. They are amazingly silly and fun to listen to and to read. If you get a chance to read this book and listen to the music, do it. It is a fun little adventure. 

Michael McLean has long been an idol of mine. Why? Well there are many reasons. One: He is not afraid to let people know he has dealt with hard things. Maybe at some time he did, but haven't we all? I imagine there are some people out there that never think about being depressed every day. It happens. Happiness, isn't always there for me. I have to work hard at it some times and some days are harder than others. I have learned many things that I have been able to use from Michael that have really helped me to find the happiness in life. 

 Some of you may be thinking, "Wait! I thought you were always happy!" If you are those people, it is likely I haven't opened up to you completely. I don't like making people feel like they have to feel sorry for me. I rarely like to even let people know when I am really struggling and to be honest, it is hard for me to let my own family know when I am. They rarely know. It is not something that I let the world know I am dealing with and very few know the feelings of my heart. Hopefully no one takes that personally. Just know that most people do not hear me complain if I can avoid it. If you hear me complain, just kindly remind me that life is full of good and amazing things. I am not perfect and I don't claim to be. 

So what makes me happy? My husband, my children, family, good friends, service and the gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints (if you would like to learn more about this, please visit mormon.org).  Oh, and a few other things like chips and salsa, mexican food, chocolate, and Dr. Pepper. 

For the most part I strive to maintain a happy feeling in my life. Sometimes it is not easy and no matter how hard I try, I can not find that happiness in my life. Those are the moments that this blog can help me. It gives me an avenue to really focus on the amazing blessings in my life and to refocus the sorrow of earth life to bring about the happiness that all the work we are doing here will bring us. I love learning more about Christ and his life and mission and I hope that My Mission to Be Happy is what he would want me to do. If I have one thing to say it is this-- As long as we are doing our best and coming closer to Christ, we are doing what the Lord has asked us to do.

This is a forum for happiness, therefore I would ask that all will remember that as you comment. You are all amazing and important to me and I would be very sad to see this Mission to Be Happy become a sad mission. If  you have any questions for me, feel free to ask me and I will answer them to the best of my ability. I hope you will all join me in my mission to be happy and maybe, you will find happiness along the way as well!

Have a Beautiful Easter weekend and enjoy this video.

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*The pictures I used on my blog were taken from these sources, and where I didn't have a link, I used the original artists name*
http://designoval.com/quotes/happiness-quotes
Charles M. Schultz
https://www.wya.net/op-ed/change-for-happiness/
http://www.kewo-science.com/steering-towards-happiness/