Have you ever tried to find something in the dark? You know, like the light switch? Have you ever stumbled over something on your way to the light switch and wished you had a flashlight or your phone to light the way?
Finding happiness when depression is strong is kind of like that. You are trying to find your way to the light, but you keep tripping over things in the way. Sometimes it feels like a never ending battle. Sometimes it feels like it will last forever and that you will never reach the light switch. Sometimes the light switch is easy to find. The important thing to remember is that once you reach the light switch, things get different.
Sometimes when we reach the light switch and turn on the light, we realize what a mess there is to clean up. It is a mess of things that depression left behind which can trigger anxiety and more depression. However in that moment when the light is on, we understand that we have begun to climb out of a deep and dark place. It takes time to clean up the mess and it seems like it takes a while. There is happiness with getting through the mess and as we continue to clean up, we begin to appreciate life again.
Maybe I am crazy, maybe this is just an analogy that makes sense in my head, but for me, this is exactly how it feels and I find myself remembering what Dumbledore said that "Happiness can be found even in the Darkest of Times if one only remembers to turn on the light!" Sometimes the light switch is hard to find. Keep looking. It is there even through the obstacles.
Our Savior is that light, he helps us to overcome our weaknesses and to make weak things become strong. Heavenly Father knew he could help us by giving us the Atonement. The atonement allows us to not only become clean, but it allows us to let go of the things that hurt us. The Savior can take away our pains and our burdens if we will allow him to do so. All we have to do is willingly give them to him. It is a lot easier said than done.
Believe me I have been there and sometimes we are so deep into our dark world that we completely forget that there is a light! We forget that if we just flip that switch on, we will be able to see again. We forget that the Savior is there to help us in our darkest times. May we strive to remember the Savior always. It is not easy, but it is worth it.
In other news, this weekend brought about a new appreciation for family. My dearest Grandmother is in a hospital in Utah and she has been there for almost three weeks. She hates it immensely and wishes she could be at home.
This weekend, my Uncle got us all together to go break her out of the hospital and as usual on a beautiful Easter weekend, spend time with the family and eat lunch together. It wasn't a picnic, it wasn't out on the desert like we normally do, but we were still able to do it.
My amazing Grandma was so excited. The nurse came and did her hair and got her all ready to go and as the family began showing up, she had the most amazing look of happiness on her face. You could tell that this made her whole stay in the hospital so much easier.
Family is amazing. You can be miles and miles apart and still, they all come together to make the day of someone they love. This has been a good weekend for me. The light switch is on and although I have been cleaning up the debris, I feel a bit better this weekend.
